with Master Performance Coach, Andrea Bednar
While simplicity is created (and found) in many ways, our simplicity series is about saying no.
Last week, I offered some ideas to experiment with saying no. Observing what happens when you say yes and creating a way to say no graciously and kindly. Let us know what your insights were from experimenting with this in the comments.
A few people privately messaged me with their observations.
Saying no has a price.
There're the feelings of guilt or selfishness. Especially when you say no to someone you care about. There's the experience of concern or fear when saying no to someone who can affect our reputation. There's the price of self-doubt when you wonder if you made a mistake in saying no.
The costs of saying no are apparent.
Rarely do we consider the costs of saying yes. Because we don't do before-the-fact consideration, we tend to agree to requests that don't work for us, or...
This month's theme is Simplicity. How do you make your life simpler, more manageable, and less stressful?
We live in a time of unparalleled complexity, I'm sure you've experienced that as well.
As one small example, consider the complexity of your smartphone. How many apps do you have on your phone (actually stop reading and count them)? Do you use folders to organize your apps? How many folders do you have? How many screen pages do you have? Check the photo gallery of your phone. Have you used the favorites, the albums, the pictures files, the stories files, the suggested, the recent, the shared albums? How many apps do you have open right now? Do you use the 'optimize your phone'? How often? Are you aware of, and can you utilize all the bells and whistles your phone offers?
Then add your tablet.
Then add your computer.
That's just three devices. The amount of complexity in only these three devices is mind-boggling.
Then add to those three little aspects of...
Last week, we talked about how to get access to your fictions. One access is being present -- being able to bring yourself to this time, at this moment.
This week, let's talk about practicing presence. How do you get yourself to have more facility and capability to be present -- bringing yourself to this time, at this moment.
There's a myriad of good reasons for practice and presence. There are also thousands of books and TED talks about the power of presence and mindfulness. Here, we're most interested in access to practicing presence. My premise is that practicing presence gives you access to powerful action. Action which is correlated with producing the kind of results and impact you want to produce.
There are a lot of teachers out there who have done years and years of study, personal practice, and teaching on presence. If you are interested, I highly recommend you research people and studies that you resonate with and want to learn from. Some...
How are your actions connected to reality? How are reality and the results you produce connected to your actions?
This may seem like an academic topic, and while it is, it is also a practical topic.
It's a critical topic for producing extraordinary results.
In those times when you aren't producing the results you want, the first thing to consider is: in what way are my actions connected to reality? What is the link between my actions and my current situation?
That link is our fiction about the current reality. [See more about this in my blog]. When you become aware of the connection between your actions and your fiction, you begin to be able to disrupt your fiction such that altering your actions in a meaningful way becomes possible.
New fictions produce new actions which produce new results.
It is difficult...
I am so excited to share this brand new opportunity with you!
I know I have a ton of clients right now who are struggling with their to-do lists. You do not have to struggle with all you have to get done! Here's some coaching to support them AND YOU!
Are you wondering, "Should I go for the free work-session of Get Sh*t Done, or go for the whole enchilada and get the full-day program?"
Let me give you two scenarios to help you choose.
Person One: This person doesn't have a tremendous amount of stuff sitting undone; maybe one or two things they haven’t gotten to yet, but they bother this person. They aren't currently building something new. They aren't trying to create something -- they just need to get some sh*t done. Or this person would like to put a toe in -- sample what having extraordinary performance would be like.
Person Two: This person has been dragging around some stuff in...
Last time we talked about the fictions that we create to explain our circumstances and how our actions are completely in sync with those fictions. When our actions aren't delivering the outcomes and experience we want, start by examining your current fiction.
Powerful outcomes are the result of alignment between your fiction, the circumstances, and your actions.
This week, we'll take a step back and examine the relationship between presence and reality.
To become conscious of your fictions, start by becoming conscious of what is present in your experience in this moment.
The definition of being present is "existing or occurring at this time or now, current."
We all layer our fictions on top of the circumstances. Fictions are your way of making sense of what's happening.
But the fictions themselves are never what's actually happening right now.
They are a collection of interwoven stories from your past experiences, culture, movies, TV, ways that...
Reality. What is it?
Let's start with a quote by Morgan Housel. "Your personal experiences make up about .00000001% of what's happened in the world but about 80% of how you think the world works."
Yes, we are that biased. All of us. We think our personal experiences are true and that they are the way the world IS.
We don't know what reality is.
We could say that reality is the story we tell ourselves about the way the world works.
But it isn't reality and it isn't THE truth.
But that fiction about reality is the primary reason we get upset (when we do).
When we get caught or stuck, or upset, what's happening is that our experience - our fiction about reality -- is not in sync with actual objective reality.
Every once in a while, this disconnect might lead to happiness or surprise. Unfortunately, most of the time, it leads to some kind of negative emotion.
Your assignment this week, should you choose to accept it, is to inquire into:...
This week, we're going to talk about something a little bit different regarding listening.
How you listen to yourself.
Do you let the thoughts in your head and what comes out of your mouth run on through, or do you stop and actually listen to yourself?
We'll look at this through four different lenses -- commitment, general speaking, influencing/impacting others, and when you are empathizing.
As you begin to examine self-listening from these four lenses, you may find other lenses. That's useful because how you listen to yourself materially impacts what you can accomplish in the world. Your self-listening is more critical to your experience of satisfaction and your happiness than you might realize.
How are you listening to yourself when you make a commitment or a promise? Do you wonder if you should be committing, or committing this much, this soon? Are you thinking about how excited you are to promise something to yourself or to others? Do you have...
How do you create 'a listening'? Or, how do you create boundless room so that others can hear and absorb and can make use of your contribution?
For shorthand's sake, we're going to call this boundless space 'a listening.' This means a wide-open reception for you and your message in your audience's experience. Not in your experience but in THEIR experience.
Here are four premises for making that a reality.
First: Your Integrity
Creating a wide-open reception for you and your message requires being reliable and trustworthy. If you are not someone who's reliable and trustworthy, it's going to be difficult to create this generous reception in other people's ears.
This means you must have Structural Integrity: you do what you know is right, doing it when you know it's the right time to do it, and doing it in a way that is congruent with the situation and your values.
If you do not, people will listen cautiously because they don't know if...
Our focus for this month is listening, which seems very appropriate given the times we find ourselves in.
Deepening our listening capacities is always in fashion if we're human (and, in case you haven't checked recently, we are).
If we want to be effective in life, happy in our relationships and make the difference we want to make listening is a critical skill. It's one of our most important activities and fundamental to relationships. Fundamental also to who we are in the world and how others know us.
First, let's define it. If you go out to the dictionary online, it'll give you three different definitions for listening.
1. 'You give your attention to a sound’. Someone speaking, birds singing in your backyard, screeching brakes -- any attention to a particular sound.
2. 'Taking notice of and acting on what someone says, responding to advice or a request.’
3. 'Make an effort to hear something’. Being...